Update


Things have been hectic here.  We are still waiting to receive the death certificate so Mom can collect her husband’s social security. It i.s a frustrating wait, and very difficult for Mom.  She isn’t eating at all and is understandably depressed, though I’ve never seen her like this before.

Still looking for a job, though I am not optimistic about the possibility of finding any.  I’ll try another employment agency maybe.  Where do you go to apply for unskilled jobs?  I suppose I could stand around the Home Depot with the migrant workers and hope to get work, but I can’t do that kind of physical labor.  I’d look for factory work, but I don’t know where to start.

I am resigned to the fact that we will very likely lose the house, though I hope to stay here for another year before they force us out.  I will call the bank and ask them about refinancing, but I am not hopeful.  No one will write loans on pre-fab homes right now.  I don’t understand why, a house is a house.  It’s not like mine is on wheels or something.

All in all, 2013 is not starting out all that great.  Moving Mom in with us has been hard on all of us.  She’s developed a few annoying habits that are tough to deal with, but we’re trying.  She also still smokes and wants one of us to sit with her outside every time she needs a cigarette.  Not a big deal, but not my usual habit is all.  There is still a lot of paperwork to go through, and we need to get all her utilities and other things turned off.  I have to go through boxes of paid bills and statements to try and figure out what’s what.  They own a bunch of oil rights and I’d like to find out what to do about them.  I know they are practically worthless, but she gets statements from three or four different companies and occasionally gets a check for $3 – $4.  I hope we can sell their shares back to the oil companies.

I’m not very motivated to do too much, and having trouble getting through all the papers.  Mom says she’ll go through them, but she hasn’t and I don’t blame her.  All of their finances were handled by R.  At least all of their bills are paid off in full.  In fact several credit cards have a credit balance.  If I get through all of it I know I will feel like I finally accomplished something.  But getting started is proving difficult.

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15 thoughts on “Update

  1. Sounds like a rough start to 2013. I know it’s not easy and this sounds trite, but all you can do is put one foot in front of the other — no over-thinking and beating yourself up. Sending lots of hope and love.

    • Thank you for your caring words. I try not to get bogged down in the negatives, and really working on my motivation, but her financial affairs are one of my biggest concerns. We can adapt here with a new person in the house and she is a good, kind person. I love her a bit more than my own mother.

  2. Wow….Amidst all of your issues before…there is now your Mom grieving and you having to straighten out her financial affairs. I would imagine because she is in grief right now you are trying to make things easier ..re smoking etc.which takes a lot of patience….

    Trying another agency for a job is I guess the best thing for you to do…as I don’t think you could work in a factory.

    All that I can do is hope that things will come together…because although I so want to say something encouraging I don’t want to offer ’empty’ or ‘patronizing’ words…so I offer you ‘hope’ and of course my thoughts for better things….Diane

    • Thank you Diane. You are a good friend and I appreciate the words of hope and positive thinking. I know with time everything will get easier. I always prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Here’s hoping for good things in 2013!

  3. May I share something I read recently? I do not know your gender, but it could also apply to a son.

    LETTER FROM A MOTHER TO A DAUGHTER:

    “My dear girl, the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through.

    If when we talk, I repeat the same thing a thousand times, don’t interrupt to say: “You said the same thing a minute ago”… Just listen, please. Try to remember the times when you were little and I would read the same st
    ory night after night until you would fall asleep.

    When I don’t want to take a bath, don’t be mad and don’t embarrass me. Remember when I had to run after you making excuses and trying to get you to take a shower when you were just a girl?

    When you see how ignorant I am when it comes to new technology, give me the time to learn and don’t look at me that way… remember, honey, I patiently taught you how to do many things like eating appropriately, getting dressed, combing your hair and dealing with life’s issues every day… the day you see I’m getting old, I ask you to please be patient, but most of all, try to understand what I’m going through.

    If I occasionally lose track of what we’re talking about, give me the time to remember, and if I can’t, don’t be nervous, impatient or arrogant. Just know in your heart that the most important thing for me is to be with you.

    And when my old, tired legs don’t let me move as quickly as before, give me your hand the same way that I offered mine to you when you first walked.

    When those days come, don’t feel sad… just be with me, and understand me while I get to the end of my life with love.

    I’ll cherish and thank you for the gift of time and joy we shared. With a big smile and the huge love I’ve always had for you, I just want to say, I love you… my darling daughter.” (or son)

    -I realize it is challenging for you but it must be even more so for her. Best of luck with everything. 🙂

    • Thank you for this beautiful reminder. I am dearly trying to be as patient with her as I would my grandson. More so, since he is 9. I feel bad for Mom, what she’s been through and how hard it must be to lose someone after being together 44 years. I worry most about her appetite, which is completely gone. That part is most frustrating, trying to entice her to eat, always offering her something and herconstant refusal. I am patient though, and don’t push. If she doesn’t want to eat, that’s her choice, I guess. As to her annoying habits, it’s a matter of getting used to them and tuning them out. All will improve with time. I know she feels as if she is a burden and we are trying everything to convince her otherwise. While we may be somewhat inconvenienced at the moment, what with the boys sleeping in the living room, we wouldn’t have it any other way. Thanks for dropping in. I appreciate the support and positive thoughts.

  4. What to say when words aren’t enough is such a frustrating thing. We want to help and don’t know how; we know you must hurt and there doesn’t seem to be a thing we can do to make it better. But we DO care and look forward to the time when all of this is in the past. You ARE strong even if you don’t feel that way now. You’ll come through these trials even stronger. In all your striving to care for the needs of those around you, please take care of YOU! You are the only YOU there is.

    Hugs,

    Randa

    • Randa, you are so kind, and I truly appreciate the support. I wish I didn’t sound so negative, but I just don’t know what to do about working. Taking care of my Mom-in-law helps fill my mind and my day, but doesn’t address the problem of being unable to find work I can do.

  5. Such a tough start to the year so sorry you’re struggling. I know over here I search for jobs online mostly you’d be amazed at how many unskilled jobs you can find online from cleaners to factory workers and shop assistants. Is there any such thing as a ‘job centre’ over your way?
    I know things are hard right now but please take care of yourself. ((hugs)) xx

    • Yes, I’ve been able to find positions like customer service and hospitality jobs, but I’ve got no experience in those fields and no way to get the experience if no one will hire me. Helping my mom-in-law is frustrating and takes my mind off other problems. So far 2013 isn’t shaping up too well.

      Thanks for your kind words of encouragement. I really need that right now.

      • What about a voluntary position at least while you’re searching? it’ll get you out of the house and let you get some experience in the bargain. I looked into it when I was where you are and there are always people looking for willing volunteers! xx

      • I never thought about volunteering. Schools and hospitals always need volunteers. Thanks for the idea, and for taking time out of your busy life to check on mine. Thanks so much.

      • Don’t forget charity shops where you can get some retail experience, we have charity run coffee shops, wildlife reserves who usually have a shop or cafe….there’s always something that’ll fit and usually more hiding around than you’ll think. I always try to check in on everyone on here, I may not manage it all the time but I try 🙂 xoxox

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