I’m noticing some major issues regarding my comprehension of both the written and oral communication. I have to read a news article 3-4 times before I feel I understand it. Even after 4 readings I don’t always understand what read. Worse is misunderstanding what a conversation is actually about. S and I had a conversation this morning, an exchange of ideas about a plant. He said Mimosa tree but my conversation was about Plumerias. This happens constantly. Sometimes I think it happens without my noticing, so it’s no wonder I don’t recall a particular conversation, because I never had that conversation.
It is a frightening thing to realize I no longer seem to comprehend simple English. I barely read any more and I think my memory is why. I can’t remember the characters in a book. I don’t recall what has already happened and get lost in the present. How the hell can I think about continuing to write with a mind full of holes and lost syntax?
Words don’t flow from me any more. I don’t think any more, I just react. It’s like regressing to a Neanderthal. How can I explain this to the DI people? I’m not sure I’m making myself understood here and writing used to be my weapon of choice. I was a prolific journaller, filling reams of pages over the years and I look at those with wonder: I wonder who wrote this stuff, ’cause some of it’s really good. I’m going to try to do NaNoWriMo next month and have some serious doubts that I can pull it off. I did some good writing in August. Well, I don’t know how good it is as I haven’t really read it yet. It could be total crap.
Is it from the MS, drug side effects, a diet high in carbs, smoking tea, or a gluten allergy? All the above? Do I have to face the fact that my mind has changed and I am no longer capable of the same activities? Can I change my diet, eliminate some carbs, go gluten free? Will it make a difference? My mind says, no it won’t change a thing, it’s the MS and the other things just make it worse. So I shall go gluten free and lower my carbs, become a more of a vegetarian and less an herbivore. I will minimize the meds I take and stop smoking. After six months or a year will I notice a difference or will the MS have moved along so that there was still no change? That is my fear. That and knowing that I am a picky eater, I will have a lot of trouble changing my diet.